How To Destroy An INFJ - What You Need To Know - SelfHacker (2023)

Are you looking to destroy an INFJ?

Well, you’ve come to the right place.

But before we dive into the nitty-gritty of how to do so, let’s take a moment to understand who INFJs are.

These introverted individuals are known for their deep empathy, strong intuition, and desire for meaningful connections with others.

However, their sensitive nature and tendency towards codependency can make them vulnerable to emotional manipulation and destruction.

In this article, we’ll explore some of the ways in which INFJs can be destroyed and offer tips on how to avoid falling victim to these tactics.

So buckle up and get ready to learn how to protect yourself from those who seek to destroy your INFJ spirit.

How To Destroy An INFJ

1. Break their trust: INFJs value trust and loyalty above all else. If you want to destroy an INFJ, break their trust. Lie to them, betray them, or go back on your word. This will shatter their sense of security and make them question everything they thought they knew about you.

2. Criticize their values: INFJs have a strong sense of morality and are guided by their values. If you want to destroy an INFJ, criticize their values or beliefs. This will make them feel attacked on a personal level and can cause them to withdraw from the relationship.

3. Use emotional manipulation: INFJs are highly empathetic and can be easily manipulated through emotional appeals. If you want to destroy an INFJ, use emotional manipulation to control them or guilt-trip them into doing what you want.

4. Create conflict: INFJs avoid conflict at all costs and prefer to keep the peace. If you want to destroy an INFJ, create conflict in their life. This can be done by starting arguments, picking fights, or causing drama.

5. Withhold affection: INFJs crave deep connections with others and need affection to feel loved and valued. If you want to destroy an INFJ, withhold affection from them. This will make them feel unloved and unwanted, causing them to question the relationship.

Understanding INFJs: Who Are They?

INFJs are complex individuals with a unique set of personality traits. They are introverted and intuitive, which means they tend to be more introspective and focused on their inner world. They have a strong sense of personal integrity and a desire to help others realize their potential. INFJs are highly empathetic and can often sense the emotions and motivations of others before they are even aware of them themselves.

However, INFJs can also be stubborn and single-minded in their focus, which can make them appear inflexible or closed-minded. They have a strong belief in their own insights and revelations, which can sometimes lead them to become defensive or angry when those beliefs are challenged.

INFJs also have a tendency towards the “door slam” when they feel deeply hurt or betrayed. This means they may cut off all contact with someone who was once close to them as a way of protecting themselves from further pain.

The Vulnerabilities Of An INFJ

INFJs have a complex inner world, and their sensitivity can make them vulnerable to emotional pain. One of the biggest vulnerabilities of an INFJ is their fear of vulnerability itself. They may have deep-seated fears around being open and vulnerable with others, especially if they have been hurt or abused in the past.

INFJs value trust and loyalty above all else, and breaking their trust can be devastating for them. They may struggle to trust again in the future, leading to a cycle of isolation and fear. Criticizing an INFJ’s values or beliefs can also be deeply hurtful, as they are guided by their strong sense of morality.

INFJs are highly empathetic and can be easily manipulated through emotional appeals. Emotional manipulation can cause them to feel trapped and helpless, leading to feelings of anxiety and depression. Creating conflict in an INFJ’s life can also be damaging, as they prefer to keep the peace and avoid confrontation.

Finally, withholding affection from an INFJ can be particularly painful. They crave deep connections with others and need affection to feel loved and valued. If they feel unloved or unwanted, they may withdraw from the relationship altogether.

Emotional Manipulation Tactics To Destroy An INFJ

Emotional manipulation is a particularly effective tactic to destroy an INFJ. Due to their highly empathetic nature, INFJs are susceptible to being manipulated through emotional appeals. Here are some emotional manipulation tactics that can be used to destroy an INFJ:

1. Gaslighting: This is a tactic where the manipulator makes the INFJ doubt their own perception of reality. The manipulator may deny certain events or make the INFJ believe that they are remembering things incorrectly. This can cause the INFJ to question their own sanity and can lead to feelings of confusion and self-doubt.

2. Guilt-tripping: INFJs have a strong sense of responsibility and may feel guilty for not meeting the needs of others. A manipulator can use this to their advantage by guilt-tripping the INFJ into doing what they want. This can cause the INFJ to feel overwhelmed and resentful.

3. Love-bombing: This is a tactic where the manipulator showers the INFJ with affection and attention in order to gain their trust and control them. Once the INFJ is hooked, the manipulator may withdraw their affection or use it as a tool for control.

4. Silent treatment: INFJs crave deep connections with others and need affection to feel loved and valued. The silent treatment is a tactic where the manipulator withholds communication or affection from the INFJ as a form of punishment or control. This can cause the INFJ to feel anxious and insecure in the relationship.

5. Playing the victim: Manipulators may play the victim in order to gain sympathy from the INFJ and make them feel responsible for their emotional well-being. This can cause the INFJ to feel overwhelmed and trapped in the relationship.

How To Protect Yourself As An INFJ

1. Set clear boundaries: As an INFJ, it’s important to set clear boundaries with others. This means communicating your needs and expectations in a relationship and sticking to them. If someone is not respecting your boundaries, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

2. Trust your intuition: INFJs have a strong intuition and can often sense when something is not right. Trust your gut instincts and don’t ignore red flags or warning signs in a relationship.

3. Practice assertiveness: INFJs tend to avoid conflict, but it’s important to learn how to assert yourself when necessary. This means standing up for your beliefs and values, even if it means disagreeing with others.

4. Surround yourself with positive people: INFJs thrive on positive energy and need to be around people who uplift and support them. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and appreciate your unique qualities.

5. Prioritize self-care: INFJs are often sensitive and can become overwhelmed by the demands of others. Prioritize self-care by taking time for yourself, practicing mindfulness, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but necessary for your well-being.

Seeking Help And Support For INFJs

When an INFJ is faced with destructive behavior from others, it can be difficult for them to cope. Seeking help and support is a crucial step in healing and moving forward. INFJs may struggle with asking for help because they are typically the ones who offer support to others. However, it’s important for them to recognize that they also deserve care and attention.

The first step in seeking help is admitting that there is a problem. INFJs may need to confront their own emotions and acknowledge the impact of the destructive behavior on their mental health. It’s important for them to understand that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength.

INFJs may find support from trusted friends or family members who understand their personality type and can offer empathy and guidance. Therapy or counseling can also be a valuable resource for INFJs, providing a safe space to process emotions and develop coping strategies.

In addition to seeking professional help, INFJs can benefit from self-care practices such as meditation, exercise, or creative outlets. These activities can help them recharge and find balance amidst the chaos.

Ultimately, seeking help and support requires vulnerability and courage for INFJs. It may not be easy, but it’s an important step towards healing and rebuilding trust in themselves and others.


What is the main weakness of INFJ? ›

Advocate (INFJ) Weaknesses

Sensitive to Criticism – Advocates aren't averse to feedback – that is, unless they believe that someone is challenging their most cherished principles or values. When it comes to the issues that are near and dear to them, people with this personality type can become defensive or dismissive.

What drains an INFJ? ›

INFJs are energized by working creatively towards a future vision or goal. In turn, they are drained by being in noisy, disorganized environments where they face frequent interruptions to their thoughts and musings. It's especially bad if they are in an environment where there is frequent conflict.

How people misunderstand the INFJ? ›

INFJs are often misunderstood because their personality makes them seem more intense than the average person. As introverts, they are prone to deep thinking and ongoing internal monologues. As intuitive feelers, they are adept at reading and understanding the emotions of others.

What is a commonly mistyped INFJ? ›

The ISFJ is the most common type in my experience to mistype as an INFJ. If you value facts over hunches, veer towards nostalgia, and enjoy having a consistent routine then this is more likely to be your type. You can find out more about ISFJs here.

Who is the biggest enemy of INFJ? ›

INFJs' only true enemy is themselves, or more specifically, their inner critic. However, some personality types may be difficult for INFJs to get along with including: ESTJs: They are often seen as being too blunt, dominant, and insensitive for INFJs.

What is the darkest side of INFJ? ›

INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.

What turns an INFJ on? ›

As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.

What angers an INFJ? ›

Because INFJs are so naturally aware of harmony levels and emotional needs, they are irritated by people who seem tactless, rude, mean-spirited, troll-ish, or unnecessarily disruptive. In situations where someone is corrupting the emotional atmosphere for their own selfish gains, an INFJ can become severely angered.

Are INFJ dominant or submissive? ›

INFJs ranked as having low dominance according to the CPI™ tool. Since the traits linked with low-dominance were being quiet, cautious, or hesitant to take action, this makes sense. INFJs tend to be on the quiet side, and they also tend to be extremely independent.

How do you know if an INFJ is hurt? ›

If they feel stressed by their environment, or the people in it, they'll tend to cry or become very quiet and want to be alone. Some INFJs will be cold, sarcastic and very blunt or speak to someone only on a very superficial level.

What makes an INFJ uncomfortable? ›

Reading too much into a situation

INFJs can appear very awkward when their intuition kicks in and they start reading into a situation. For instance, if someone is being sweeter to the boss than usual, you may infer that they are doing it to get ahead at work.

What is the core fear of INFJ? ›

Basic Fear: Of being worthless, unloved, or unwanted. Basic Desire: To know they are loved. These INFJs tend to appear more jovial and extroverted than some other INFJs. They are very people-oriented and lean heavily on their secondary function: Extraverted Feeling (Fe).

How mentally strong is a INFJ? ›

INFJs Have a Strong Sense of Emotions

They can notice even the slightest change in other people's moods, and are likely to know when something is wrong. People with an INFJ personality type can handle intense emotions quite well without getting frustrated.

Who is the least compatibility for INFJ? ›

The best matches for INFJs include intuitive types such as INTJ, INFP, and ENFJ. INFJs are the least compatible with sensors, especially ESTJs, ESTPs, and ESFPs.

Which personality type is closest to INFJ? ›

INFPs have Fi as their dominant function and they're also the most common mistype for INFJs.

What makes INFJs unlikeable? ›

Facades and Attention-Seeking Behavior

INFJs detest attention-seeking behaviors and melodrama. Their strong intuition combined with their awareness of emotions makes it easy for them to spot when someone is being fake or is always seeking the spotlight.

Which mbti overthinks the most? ›

We start off with INFPs and INFJs: two Introverted personalities that often experience bouts of anxiety. When it comes to these types, their anxiety can stem from an inclination to overthinking.

What is an INFJ villain like? ›

INFJs can be master manipulators if they develop a false sense of moral justice. But most often, INFJ villains believe what they are doing is for the good of humanity. Erik (The Phantom) is driven by his desire to be loved by Christine. Everything he does stems from this longing.

Who is the best friend of INFJ? ›

In my experience as an INFJ, extroverted types that I get along well with include the following:
  • ENFP (“The Inspirer”)
  • ENFJ (“The Giver”)
  • INTJ (“The Scientist”)
  • INFP (“The Idealist”)
  • INTP (“The Logician”)
May 2, 2016

What is the weirdness of INFJ? ›

Intuitive Weirdness

INFJs have an abstract, futuristic approach to the world around them. Rather than seeing things for what they are, they see things for what they “mean.” When forced to focus all their attention outside the intuitive plane, they can come across as stressed, unsteady, or overwhelmed.

What is the bright side of INFJ? ›

They have a deep sense of optimism that often motivates positive change. They often trust in people's goodness to help make the world a better, more united place. Their hopeful spirit can help inspire others to contribute to important causes. INFJs are able to connect deeply with those around them.

What true color is INFJ? ›

INFJ: Silver

INFJs are creative and intuitive individuals with a deep understanding of the world around them. The color silver perfectly captures their mysterious and complex nature.

Can INFJ look emotionless? ›

In some cases, you can't avoid people or completely ignore them. In times like that, an INFJ may talk to the person, but they'll be emotionless, distant and cold. Even the nicest people can't stand everything. Dealing with such a contradicting personality may be exhausting and maddening.

What are INFJ eyes like? ›

The INFJ stare is often characterized by its intensity. It may seem like an endless gaze, as if the INFJ is looking right into your soul. They may appear thoughtful and analytical—like they're deeply assessing you or the situation.

How to spot INFJ in real life? ›

Here are ten signs they might be.
  1. They often look lost in deep thought. ...
  2. They're tough to get to know. ...
  3. They love intellectual conversation. ...
  4. They have unflinching convictions. ...
  5. They're very good listeners. ...
  6. They can take forever to make a decision. ...
  7. They avoid confrontation at all costs. ...
  8. They tend to be perfectionists.
Sep 21, 2022

How to control anger for INFJ? ›

INFJs will spend a lot of time reflecting on the situation alone, and they'll decide whether it is worth addressing or forgetting. An INFJ will often choose to push the issue aside and leave it, releasing their anger through art, creative hobbies, or exercise.

How do INFJs respond to trauma? ›

Because of how INFJs deal with past pain, they're likely to have similar reactions to trauma. These include: Avoiding people, places, or things that remind them of the trauma. Experiencing fear and anxiety about the outside world.

What not to say to an INFJ? ›

7 things you should never say to an INFJ
  • “Calm down!” As we've just found out, INFJs are highly sensitive. ...
  • “You're just not trying hard enough.” ...
  • “I'm fine.” — when you know you aren't. ...
  • “No one will ever understand you.” ...
  • “You're doing too much.” ...
  • “You make it difficult to love you.” ...
  • “You're so boring.
Sep 25, 2017

Do people find INFJ intimidating? ›

Because they are often reserved, high-achieving individuals with high expectations of both themselves and others, INFJs can be intimidating to other personality types. Since INFJs are also the rarest personality type, many people misunderstand them.

Can INFJ be submissive? ›

INFJs may undervalue their own needs, ideas, and contributions, acting overly shy and not taking credit when due. At their worst, INFJs can be excessively submissive, ineffectual, and too dependent on direction from others.

Who is the right person for INFJ? ›

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, INFJ's natural partner is the ENTP, or the ENFP. INFJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Extraverted Intuition.

What do INFJs do when stressed? ›

When INFJs are under a lot of stress, they can fall into the grip of their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing, which makes the INFJ unable to think about their normal visionary ideas, be creative, or help others with their characteristic empathy.

What happens if an INFJ goes emotionally numb? ›

Once an INFJ becomes emotionally numb, they don't care anymore and they can throw all caution to the wind. They can overindulge and they can be very cold. What's more is that they can be very mean. Be very careful how you treat an INFJ who is emotionally numb.

How do INFJ deal with heartbreak? ›

Looking to whatever it is that gives us hope can be incredibly helpful for INFJs who feel overwhelmed by heartache. Listen to relaxing music, read a good book, meditate on something that gives you a sense of hope.

What embarrasses an INFJ? ›

INFJs feel embarrassed when they are put on the spot and have to react to their environment spontaneously. This could involve things like being asked to dance in a club when they don't know how to dance, being asked to improvise a speech, or having to drive with a guest in an unfamiliar environment.

Do INFJs have social anxiety? ›

Crowds, noise, frequent interruptions - INFJs need their personal space and may experience great anxiety if they have too much contact with people in one day. Faced with such provocations, there's a risk that you will spread yourself so thin responding to other people's problems that you neglect your own needs.

What causes INFJ depression? ›

As INFJs, our Introverted Intuition coupled with our judging nature makes us prone to having high expectations for ourselves, which means we often feel like we're failing.

What is an INFJs favorite subject? ›

Favorite topics can vary widely, but psychology, history, philosophy, and other social sciences seem to be particularly popular fields of study for INFJs who enjoy research as a hobby.

Do INFJs have trust issues? ›

Despite the fact that INFJs are complex individuals who are highly empathic and intuitive, they do commonly struggle with trust issues. These trust issues may be rooted in their private nature, their idealism, their empathy, or past experiences of hurt or betrayal.

Do all INFJs have anxiety? ›

Anxiety and the INFJ

Everyone, regardless of personality type, experiences occasional anxiety. And dealing with an anxiety disorder isn't exclusive to any one type either. I have noticed, though, that quite a high number of INFJs I talk with struggle with anxiety to a certain extent.

What is the strongest function of INFJ? ›

Dominant Function – Introverted Intuition (Ni)

Introverted Intuition is the strongest and most accessible function of the INFJ. In a way, this is the function they live and breathe.

What makes INFJ stubborn? ›

Dominant: Introverted Intuition

INFJs tend to be highly focused on their internal insights. Once they have formed an intuition about something, INFJs tend to stick to it very tightly, often to the point of being single-minded in their focus. INFJs are sometimes viewed as stubborn and unyielding.

What does INFJ struggle with? ›

As introverts, INFJs prefer their inner world to the outer world. They often find themselves distracted by their own thoughts and ideas and have trouble focusing on what's going on around them. This is another reason they can often miss details in their environments.

What makes an INFJ unhappy? ›

Stressed or unhappy INFJs are often tired of trying to make people feel good. They stop caring what people think and about “blending in” socially. In fact, they may feel a sense of relief in laying out criticisms, nitpicking other people's statements, or even starting a debate over the logic of something.

Do INFJ have mental issues? ›

Being an INFJ comes with its advantages, but also its drawbacks. Lovable INFJs experience the same pain, struggles, and sadness that others do—they often just do so in private. This may contribute to depression. In this article, we'll discuss a few reasons why these personalities are prone to experiencing depression.

How does an INFJ deal with trauma? ›

Healing from trauma and dealing with past pain requires the INFJ to open up to true vulnerability. This means acknowledging the past — good and bad moments — and remaining open to healing and growing from these events.

How does INFJ react to heartbreak? ›

A heartbroken INFJ might think they should never have trusted this person in the first place and eat themselves up with guilt. They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term.

Are INFJs prone to anger? ›

INFJ: Finds a Creative Outlet

If you're an INFJ, you suppress your anger. “The Counselor” type will avoid addressing their feelings of frustration because they hate conflict, and the idea of confronting someone might break them out in hives.

How are INFJs in social situations? ›

While they care deeply about others, INFJs tend to be introverted and only willing to share their "true selves" with a select few. After being in social situations, INFJs need time to themselves to "recharge."

Can INFJ be heartless? ›

Being cold and “heartless” is just an INFJ's surface personality, it's usually not real. They feel things very deeply, are sensitive and let things get to them easily. However, at times, INFJs can be really cold. If you did something wrong, INFJs got hurt and don't want you around anymore, that's how they will act.

What is intimidating about INFJ? ›

Because they are often reserved, high-achieving individuals with high expectations of both themselves and others, INFJs can be intimidating to other personality types. Since INFJs are also the rarest personality type, many people misunderstand them.


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